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Author Topic: Dear Marge........ Humorous thread...... Melodeon related problems only please  (Read 27622 times)

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Guy

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Dear Marge.

Please help me.
I am a melodeon player.

Thanks
Anon

I'm sorry. There is no help for you. You will have no friends, and your breath will smell of beer, hot glue and reed wax. You will become hidden from the sun by a huge pile of hard black box cases as your obsession becomes more intense, and emerge blinking into the daylight only at occasional Morris dance performances.

There is only one cure. Buy a piano accordion, that should stop you ever wishing to play again.

Love, Marge.
« Last Edit: January 19, 2014, 11:23:53 PM by Guy »
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Guy, in South Wales

Cats Claw, http://www.cats-claw.co.uk

Nick Collis Bird

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Or a banjo!
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Has anyone heard of the song. “ Broken Alarm-clock Blues” ? It starts   “I woke up this Afternoon”

Noodle

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PS: Skip hire is reasonably priced for when you need to offload your banjo, piano accordion and your Chanson. Do not be tempted to dump them in some nearby woods as this runs the risk of some Cub Scouts finding them and trying to play them. The results may be fatal for the Scouts, Akela or both.
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Nottingham, UK.

Hohners: HA114 (C), HA114 (G)*, Liliput (C/F), Preciosa (C/F)*, 1040 (G), Imperial. Dino Baffetti Binci III (D/G), Self-made Pariselle 2.6 (G/C), Soberano (C/F), Nopka garmoshka (F#)*.

One day I'll get really good, like those really good players. One day.
*to be fixed

Nick Collis Bird

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Dear Marje,
 I was boating on the Norfolk Broads as one does in mid January, when I fell overboard into a load of reeds and then heard a 78 disk being played of a Cuckoo. Is this a record?
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Has anyone heard of the song. “ Broken Alarm-clock Blues” ? It starts   “I woke up this Afternoon”

Lester

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Nick were they Hohner or Binchi reeds you fell into?

pikey

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Dear Nick,
I'm unclear as to how those American ladies, or 'broads' as they call them over the 'pond' happened to be in Norfolk in January during their close season, but did they mind you boating on them ? Would I be correct in surmising that they responded to your unusual pastime by ejecting you from your boat into the large quantity of melodeon's that you seem to have acquired?
As for the 78, I need some more information before I can advise you. What label was it on? HMV, Lesterphone, or Deco?

M
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Still squeezing after all these years.
Mostly on hohners , with a couple of Dinos and a smattering of anglos - and now a Jeffries duet

Andrew Wigglesworth

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Dear Marje,
 I was boating on the Norfolk Broads as one does in mid January, when I fell overboard into a load of reeds and then heard a 78 disk being played of a Cuckoo. Is this a record?

Sadly, you are now water damaged and no longer any use. Please find a suitable fence and nail yourself to it as a warning to others.

Nick Collis Bird

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Nick were they Hohner or Binchi reeds you fell into?

I think they were  a bit bunchey Lester  ???
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Has anyone heard of the song. “ Broken Alarm-clock Blues” ? It starts   “I woke up this Afternoon”

Nick Collis Bird

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Dear Marje,
 I was boating on the Norfolk Broads as one does in mid January, when I fell overboard into a load of reeds and then heard a 78 disk being played of a Cuckoo. Is this a record?

Sadly, you are now water damaged and no longer any use. Please find a suitable fence and nail yourself to it as a warning to others.

At least I had the Chanson with me. It kept me afloat  amongst the tipo Amani bunchey reeds ;D
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Has anyone heard of the song. “ Broken Alarm-clock Blues” ? It starts   “I woke up this Afternoon”

Nick Collis Bird

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Dear Marje,
Now that I have finally retired and my bookbinding workshop (not the business in London) is completely covered in Chanson bits and Madness melodeons. I drink red wine in the morning instead of tea or coffee.
Do I have a problem?
Marje, this is a serious question. :-\
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Has anyone heard of the song. “ Broken Alarm-clock Blues” ? It starts   “I woke up this Afternoon”

MartinW

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Only if you still add milk and sugar.
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Suppards

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You are all quite wonderfully bonkers. Thank you for making me laugh!! 

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Steve
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Dear Marge
I was always convinced my Lilly was a boy. My friends seem to be convinced she is a girl.

Is Lilly a he or a she? How can you tell?
Thank you very much for any advice on this matter
Yours sincerely
BB
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Ebor_fiddler

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Quote from "My Father is a Refuse Disposal Operative" (L. Donegan)

Q - "How do you know they're Lillies?"
A - "Lilly's wearing 'em!" (Collapse of stout party)

 :||: >:E
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I'm a Yorkie!
My other melodeon's a fiddle, but one of my Hohners has six strings! I also play a very red Hawkins Bazaar in C and a generic Klingenthaler spoon bass in F.!! My other pets (played) are gobirons - Hohner Marine Band in C, Hohner Tremolo in D and a Chinese Thingy Tremolo in G.

Nick Collis Bird

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Quote from "My Father is a Refuse Disposal Operative" (L. Donegan)

Q - "How do you know they're Lillies?"
A - "Lilly's wearing 'em!" (Collapse of stout party)

 :||: >:E

Yeah! but would you put your Lilly in a dustbin Marje?  :o
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Has anyone heard of the song. “ Broken Alarm-clock Blues” ? It starts   “I woke up this Afternoon”

Malcolm Clapp

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Depends how much Guinness you consume at said "stout party".  :|glug :|glug :|glug
Am I invited?
Marje.
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Tuner/repairer, now retired, but still playing! Happy to offer advice on repairs etc., and might be persuaded to undertake the odd emergency job for local and longtime  customers. Selling a few melodeons from my collection currently....

ACE

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I drink red wine in the morning

The red wine diet, I went on it once and lost 3 days.
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Saltarelle Horizon, Dino mini, Lachenal g/d anglo

pikey

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Dear Marge
I was always convinced my Lilly was a boy. My friends seem to be convinced she is a girl.

Is Lilly a he or a she? How can you tell?
Thank you very much for any advice on this matter
Yours sincerely
BB

Dear BB, I suspect your Lilly is both a girl and a boy and neither, depending on the tunes that you encourage he/she/it to play. For example, when playing a tune like The Abbess, the Lilly is definitely a girl - mild mannered, sweet, unlikely to take offence or be aggressive (not to imply that the author of the tune, Mr Cutting, is a girl, in fact he is most certainly not!!). For a tune like Captain Pugwash, then the Lilly is most certainly a boy - loud, confident (in fact often over confident when playing the 'trumpet' triplets), brash, and pushy. But when the Lilly plays something like Canal en Octobre, then the sex is indeterminate - wishy-washy, woolly, doesn't get anywhere, gives an impression of soggy cotton wool. Of course the author, Mr Paris, is anything but that, and I wouldn't want to label him as anything other than a man.

My advice is to stay clear of sex, and just call your Lilly 'the box' . It will avoid any confusion.

M
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Still squeezing after all these years.
Mostly on hohners , with a couple of Dinos and a smattering of anglos - and now a Jeffries duet

pikey

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You are all quite wonderfully bonkers. Thank you for making me laugh!!

Dear Suppards,

to avoid having to laugh you may wish to visit other Melnet forum threads, where you can discuss serious subjects like Fondos, glue, and cross rowing (which is a technique, not something nautical).

M
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Still squeezing after all these years.
Mostly on hohners , with a couple of Dinos and a smattering of anglos - and now a Jeffries duet

Tony M

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Deliberate misunderstanding warning!!

My advice is to stay clear of sex, and just call your Lilly 'the box' . It will avoid any confusion.

M

As to the second bit: true, but that might cause it problems later in life.

As to the first bit:  Seems rather harsh as a general philosophy!   :'(

End of mischief!   >:E

Tony M
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